The Other Woman

Clients tell me that the feelings associated with their partners having an affair are difficult to cope with. They feel betrayed, disempowered, angry , sad, rejected, abandoned, unimportant,  unloved and their sense of self left tarnished. Is there a way back from this? To some extent it depends on the circumstances and what form that "other woman" takes.

Partners may have an affair with alcohol, other drugs, sport, "the boys/girls" work or indeed another person.

To replace the intimate relationship with anything else always causes a problem. The lack of trust causes people to do things they would not ordinarily do such as check their partners phone, their personal effects, their story about  where they have been, with whom etc,

Do couples have other relationships when they have an existing meaningful and loving relationship? Only by arrangement. The rest of the time it is a real sign of other unresolved issues.

Couples who have experienced one partner who have had a single or multiple concurrent intimate relationship require support, understanding and a willingness to undertake therapy to enable them to look at all the issues that brought them to that point. Saying sorry is important but is certainly not the whole story.

Sometimes it becomes clear to both or either partner that the only option is to separate, sometimes healing and change takes place and they can continue in a new and renegotiated relationship.



Giving Your Life Direction


www.richardhughesandassociates.com.au

Blocked Filters

One of the major blocks to a new and continuing relationship is that of baggage from the past. These unresolved issues from one or both of the couple can create a wall that affects all aspects of communication, times of intimacy, understanding, sharing and a open sense of giving.

What sort of thing are we talking about here? These blocks may be about past relationships, upbringing or any other experience that still holds us back from our lives being really fulfilling.

We may not, for example, have addressed a rocky childhood where abuse of some sort has taken place either against us or someone else in the family. Out of that trust of people may be an issue and an anxiety about certain ways we are treated by people close to us.This alone would create barriers in any relationships we had in the future. These types of traumas left unattended to will not go away by themselves and any partner is not with you as your therapist and therefore need to be resolved before these issues start to affect your relationships.

Communication within a relationship needs constant attention without other issues causing other misunderstandings. The straw in a glass of water comes to mind where if you look at it from one angle the straw looks bent but we know it cannot possibly be so in reality. Problems can affect our perceptions. This even though we are sure we have been clear in what we have said to our partner they still do not understand or perhaps 'take it the wrong way'. We are talking to our partner through their filter which may need to be cleared of their problematic residue.

If both filters are blocked then the free flow of information and emotions will really affect these communications. I hear clients  say things like, "He/She doesn't understand me" or "I tell Him/Her but they don't listen" or " "I am never heard by my partner" or "They seem distant and lost in their own world". There are may things that people say illuminate what is going on for them and why.


If this rings any bells for you in your relationship, I would suggest that you see a Counsellor in order to unblock your filter.


www.richardhughesandassociates.com




Giving Your Life Direction